Love Is
by Agent Ada Kennedy
Summary: Oneshot. Love may have fit in other people’s lives, but it had no place in Rikimaru and Ayame’s. For these two ninja, love had completely different meanings.


**Love Is**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own it folks...don't own a single character (well, except for Nobutada. He's mine -hugs him to death-). **

For Rikimaru and Ayame, love is a smile.

"_Ayame, how was the mission?" _

_Rikimaru was seated on a large rock adorning one of the smaller indoor gardens in Gohda castle. It was nighttime, the moonlight streaming in through the small windows like strips of translucent silk laid down upon the ground._

"_Fine," Ayame answered, not quite looking at him._

_A blotch of dark red on Ayame's side caught Rikimaru's attention. He frowned. Ayame turned and he could see it clearly. Her shirt was torn in the area underneath her chest, and an ugly cut showed through. Blood dribbled lazily down her side under the cut._

"'_Fine' being that you got by completely unscathed?" Rikimaru pointed to her side, all the while lifting an eyebrow._

"_It's just a scrape," Ayame said casually, not wanting to reveal the fact that the wound actually hurt her more than she let on. Rikimaru could see past her smirk, and the cut looked painful._

"_You're going to need help bandaging that," Rikimaru told her simply._

"_No, I won't. Give me some cloth."_

_Rikimaru tossed her a ball of cloth and watched as she unrolled it, twisting around to wrap it about her waist. Ayame didn't get very far, letting out a gasp as her movement stretched her skin, pulling at the wound. The ball of cloth tumbled out of her hands, unraveling on the floor. Frustrated, Ayame bent to pick it up, but only winced again as the cut folded in on itself as she stooped over. She stood up and felt fresh blood trickle down her stomach, showing through her shirt and drawing a grisly line. She huffed, defeated. "Kami!"_

"_We're going to have to clean that first," Rikimaru said, picking the cloth up from the floor._

"_I'll just go to the healer's," Ayame protested. It was bad enough that she had been injured out of carelessness in the first place. She had hoped that she would have gotten herself to the healer's before Rikimaru could notice her injury. Alas, luck had not been on her side tonight. She hated appearing like this in front of her leader. _

"_You'll drip blood all over the halls and worry the guards."_

_Ayame opened her mouth again, but then realized that she didn't have another excuse. Reluctantly, she stood there and watched as Rikimaru searched through his shirt pockets for a canteen of water. Using a knife he cut some cloth from the roll._

"_Gomen," Rikimaru said quietly, gesturing for her to lift up her shirt. Ayame did so, revealing the pale skin of her abdomen and also some of the skin under her breasts. Behind Rikimaru's mask, his cheeks were burning. He knelt in front of her and poured some water onto the piece of cloth in his hand. Gently, he wiped away the congealing blood around Ayame's cut. She winced at the stinging pain._

'_I just had to go for that extra shot! Next time that happens I'll just use a damn grenade!' Ayame thought. A guard had succeeded in provoking her and, instead of retreating as she should have done, she chose to fight it out right then and there. Her carelessness had gotten the best of her, and the next thing she knew she had a wound on her side that stretched about four inches. _

_Rikimaru was now working on wrapping cloth around her wound, awkwardly looping the cloth around her abdomen. He was distracted by being so close to Ayame, their bodies brushing against each other as he pulled the cloth from around her back. Ayame fought the heat rising to her cheeks each time Rikimaru's fingers skittered across her sides. The days since the death of Tatsumaru had been long ones, but now, eight years later, Ayame found herself not wallowing in misery so much anymore. Rikimaru had been there to help her, even though the both of them hardly thought of it that way. Ayame and Rikimaru argued over everything and annoyed each other until they thought that they couldn't stand each other's company anymore. Yet, they were all each other had, the only 'family' they had ever known. For Rikimaru, Ayame was a reminder of the good things in a life where killing was the norm. To Ayame, Rikimaru had found himself a place in her heart._

_When he was finished bandaging her wound, Rikimaru nodded to her briefly and turned to walk away._

"_Rikimaru," Ayame's distinct voice stopped him and he turned to look back at her._

"_Thank you," Ayame said timidly. Gracing her lips was the faintest hint of a smile. The corners of her mouth were tilted up in the softest of angles, lighting her face up and illuminating her simple beauty._

_Rikimaru gave another small nod in her direction and turned again to walk out of the garden. If it weren't for his mask, Ayame would have seen him smiling as well._

_----------_

For Rikimaru and Ayame, love is never letting the other one know the truth.

_The castle was gripped by mayhem with the news of the princess's kidnapping. Rikimaru and Ayame were immediately called to Lord Gohda's office. His only orders were to bring the princess back safely._

_Rikimaru and Ayame stood in the dojo, hurriedly packing supplies for their mission. The silence between them hung like thick fog, the task ahead of them dancing ominously along the edges of their minds._

_Ayame packed away her last blowgun into the hidden pockets of her pants, her fingers shaking. Tonight was the night. The news of Princess Kiku's kidnapping brought chaos into Gohda Castle, and here they were, Rikimaru and Ayame, preparing to embark on the mission to bring her back…and to bring down the Lord of Hell._

_Rikimaru and Ayame turned to face each other. Both didn't speak for a time, merely staring at each other and memorizing each other's features. In the silence, they could hear the people in the castle restlessly moving about, the sounds of orders being shouted out carried in from the window._

"_This is it, huh?" Ayame said with a sigh. She sounded weary._

_Rikimaru nodded. "Ayame…there's a good chance that one of us might not make it through tonight." He paused. "I…I want you to be careful out there."_

"_It's the Lord of Hell we're going up against, I think that can go without saying," Ayame said with a slightly caustic smile._

"_I just…" Rikimaru trailed off, not really sure of what he was about to say in the first place._

_Ayame nodded understandingly, but also somewhat puzzled at the enigmatic silver-haired leader of the Azuma ninja. "I know. Be careful too, partner, okay?"_

"_Okay," Rikimaru answered. He hesitated a bit before speaking again. "Partner." The word sounded strange. So formal._

_Ayame turned to walk out of the door when Rikimaru's voice stopped her._

"_Ayame."_

_She closed her eyes. The way he said her name...it was entrancing. His voice was deep, but comfortingly so. Finally, she turned around to look at him. "Yeah?"_

_Rikimaru closed his eyes. Inside, he felt torn. Should he tell her now? This was his only chance…_

"_Be careful," He found himself sputtering out at the last second, stumbling over his words. No. He couldn't do it. It was too much already. What was he thinking? If he had said what he wanted to say, who knows what it would have done to the two of them tonight?_

"_You said that already, Rikimaru Azuma," Ayame said quietly._

"_I know, but…" Rikimaru walked close to her and only then realized that his arm was stretched out, half reaching for her. He stopped his action at the last minute, bringing up his hand as if to ruffle through his hair. He hoped Ayame hadn't noticed his awkwardness. Time passed slowly, and what were actually seconds stretched for forever. Ayame hadn't moved away from him, and a slight breeze brought in from the window wafted her tantalizing scent in his direction._

_Ayame broke the silence. "We better go. We've got an appointment to assassinate the Lord of Hell." _

-----------------------------

For Rikimaru and Ayame, love is sacrificing your life.

_The last cries of the dying Lord Mei Oh echoed through the caverns as a weak and damaged Rikimaru and Ayame raced for the exit, Kiku in tow. Boulders and rocks rained heavily around them as tremors shook the cave. Rikimaru was struggling to walk properly, numerous cuts and burns covering his entire body. The slashes on his arms and stomach were so deep that Ayame could see traces of his ribs, and even the gleaming white bones of his arms. The look of him was frightening…everything was red…so red…_

"_Come on Rikimaru, we're almost there," Ayame urged him, realigning the position of his arm around her shoulders. In any other situation he would have refused her help, but Rikimaru was in so much pain that it hardly mattered. Ayame was so shocked by his state that she forgot about her own injuries, including a particularly painful gash on her leg. She felt his warm blood seep into her clothes and drip down her arm._

'_His blood…my blood…' _

_Kiku clung to Ayame's hand, terrified of what was happening. _

_The exit of the cave was up ahead. To see the light coming in from the opening was so relieving, Ayame could feel herself exhale the breath that she had been holding in. "The exit!"_

_Rikimaru, Ayame and Kiku were several feet from blessed salvation…just as a large boulder fell right in front of them, blocking the entrance completely._

_Ayame let out a curse. This couldn't be happening! "No! There has to be another way out of here!"_

_Rikimaru had made up his decision already. Staggering in the direction of the boulder, Rikimaru turned around and leaned against it, grasping the edges of the massive rock. Ayame suddenly realized what he was about to do. _

"_There has to be another way Rikimaru, you can't lift that!" Ayame's face was terrified as she watched the boulder lift up first a few inches, and then a few feet. Rikimaru's face was pained as he fought against the pain of his wounds. He had to get Ayame out. He had to save the princess. This was the only way._

"_It's the only way Ayame," he said, mustering up what little strength he had left to lift the boulder up a few more feet. He grunted as he did so, sweat running down his face, torso and arms, stinging as they seeped into the huge gashes on his arms._

"_No! We can find another way out! If you do this, you can't…you can't…" Ayame stuttered, leaving the rest of her sentence to fall from her lips in broken pieces. If he did this, it was certain that there would be no way for him to escape. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, the thuds echoing through her body, the sound dull in her head._

_The gap was getting wider, and after a few moments the space was enough for both Ayame and Kiku to fit through._

"_Rikimaru, PLEASE!" Ayame pleaded. Kiku whimpered beside her._

_Rikimaru ignored her. "Ayame, take the princess and go!" He didn't know how long he could keep holding the boulder up. The muscles in his arms were straining to keep the weight of the massive rock steady, his arms screaming for rest. He wished she would just leave already. Goddamn she was stubborn! 'That's why I love her,' Rikimaru thought sadly. His only regrets were that he would never get a chance to tell her…_

_Destiny was cruel. _

_Time froze as their eyes met, each memorizing each other's features for the last time. There was so much they wanted to say to each other…_

"_GO!" Rikimaru yelled. He would die for his Lord, for the princess…and for the woman he loved…his partner. His vision was blurring, the pain muddling with his brain. Everything was lumped together like a swirling black hole…the only thing that seemed clear and bright was Ayame. He gazed at her one final time and then looked down at the ground. Everything turned much darker…_

_Ayame turned away at last and gathered Kiku into her arms. "Kiku, I need you to hold on to me as tight as you can and close your eyes okay?" Kiku sniffed and obeyed. With one final look at the last man she thought she would ever hold any feelings for, she ran through the tight space under the boulder as fast as her legs would go. _

_She felt the wetness of her tears stream down her cheek as she heard the boulder come crashing down, the ground shaking beneath her feet at the crushing impact…and as Kiku gave an earsplitting cry. _

"_Rikimaru!"_

_Ayame felt her heart drop into her stomach as she sucked in a breath and kept on going._

----------------------------

For Rikimaru and Ayame, love is accepting one's fate.

_Eight months had passed since Rikimaru's death when Lord Gohda called Ayame into his study to discuss crucial news._

"_Ayame, you are to wed Nobutada, Jubei's son."_

_Jubei. Lord Gohda's greatest warrior who was killed by Tatsumaru during the Burning Dawn's short lived reign. Ayame had heard of his great achievements, his talent at such a young age. Nobutada was only a few years older than she was. People everywhere hailed him as the next great warrior, following in his father's footsteps. Ayame knew that she should be proud, happy...but those feelings were far from the ones she was feeling now._

_Ayame should have known that a day like this would have come, but she hadn't expected it to be this soon. She knew that she would be expected to produce an heir who would eventually carry on the legend of the Azuma ninja. Along with that, she would also have to oversee the induction of new members from outside the clan and help with their training._

"_The fortune tellers are working to find a lucky date as we speak."_

"_Yes, Lord Gohda." Ayame was hardly aware of what she said. 'Did I just agree?' she wondered dazedly. Everything was routine now. The days passed, each fading into each other until Ayame couldn't distinguish the differences between the hours and the months._

_The door opened and Nobutada walked in. He was dressed in blue armor emblazoned with the crest of Gohda. He had a kind face, his light eyes resting upon his future bride curiously. His dark hair was done in the traditional top knot. He was a tall, rather thin man. Although he had a slight physique, he was apparently very strong. Nobutada bowed as Ayame did the same._

'_I am to wed one of the most powerful warriors in Japan…and yet, I feel so empty inside.' _

_Silently, Ayame locked away her heart and resigned herself to her fate._

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For Rikimaru and Ayame, love is forbidden.

_On the wedding day, Ayame felt a warm tear slide across her cheek as she took her third sip of sake from the ceremonial cup. Nobutada, mistaking these tears as ones of happiness, squeezed her hand gently, in what was meant to be a comforting touch._

_Ayame gave a weak smile as the last drops of sake slipped down her throat. She might as well have been drinking tar, and that's what it felt like, the normally soothing and dulling liquid burning her throat. She put the cup on the table and reached up with a fingertip to touch her tears. Nobutada finished the last of the sake and placed his cup on the table as well. _

'_You will never be forgotten, Rikimaru,' Ayame thought, closing her eyes as she thought of the white haired man who had inexplicably found a way into her heart. She knew that she would never stop grieving for the man who had been there for her when no one else was. She smiled caustically. Perhaps the gods would strike her down for thinking of another man on her wedding day. It would be a fate she would have accepted easily._

_Kiku watched her happily. Through her tears, Ayame forced a smile toward the young princess's direction._

_--------------------------------------_

_Ayame dragged her blades across the throat of the last guard in her path, watching as his body dropped to the ground, exhaling his last breath. A year had passed since the death of Rikimaru. Many things had changed…the biggest being that she was married now._

'_Well, here I am Rikimaru,' Ayame thought sadly. She wondered how long life like this could go on. She was still a killer, but now also a wife, and soon to be a mother. 'If it weren't for you and your heroic thick-skulled bravery, I wouldn't be here.' Rikimaru had given up his life just to save hers, and there were countless times when Ayame wished that she had been stuck in the cave with him._

'_My life isn't worth it. To our Lord, our lives are expendable. Replaceable. But this is the only life that I've ever known. I can't leave it. And Kiku…she needs someone. I can't just disappear after the promise I made to her so long ago. My time will come, and when it does, maybe we'll both have a second chance in a different life, with different roles.'_

_Ayame sighed, and walked towards the gate of the village, in the direction of Gohda castle. _

**-------------------**

**Author's note:**

Yeah, I was feeling very angsty when I wrote this. I really need to start writing some happy gushy fluff don't I? Ah, well that wouldn't fit our two favorite ninja very well, now would it? Anyway, I wrote this to describe the realistic point of view of a relationship that could be for Ayame and Rikimaru, no sugar coating, and also disregarding the fact that Rikimaru comes back after a year. In this little one-shot, he never comes back. As for Ayame marrying, I'm not quite sure what Lord Gohda would do, but I would assume that he would marry Ayame off to a great warrior. Even though that Ayame is a ninja, he knows that there should be a direct heir to carry on the Azuma title. And then I would guess that he would start inducting more members into the clan. The Azuma ninja killed for honor rather than money compared to other ninja, and that made them more samurai-like in terms of their attitude and goals (but not their way of killing of course). That's just my way of interpreting it at least.

Okay, I'll stop now XD Feel free to give any kind of feedback. I apologize in advance for any strange errors such as unfinished sentences. I tried to catch them, but I really need an editor for these kinds of things. I know it's not perfect, but I just really wanted to write an angsty piece. Hope you enjoyed it.


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